Melanie Martinez has been accused of sexual misconduct and “assault” by female musician, Timothy Heller, who claims at one time she was close friends with Martinez. You can read Heller’s lengthy statement in full below.
“I have kept this secret for years, convincing myself that it wasn’t a big deal and I wasn’t hurt by it. The thought of accepting that my best friend raped me seems insane. Even typing that doesn’t feel real to me. I started telling this story to those closest to me as somewhat of a joke, “haha can you believe this crazy night!?” But I began to get responses I wasn’t expecting. Concerned ones. It’s hard to say someone you loved raped you. Someone you STILL love. The thought of writing this and having the world see it terrifies me. Especially because of who this person is.
“This was my best friend. She took me in, which I was so grateful for. I felt like I owed her my life. And my life began to revolve around hers. I had my own problems, but if I could focus on her life, I could put off dealing with my own inner turmoil for just a bit longer. Some of her fans became my fans, but their loyalty never strayed from her. They are dedicated. She’s perfect. To the public, she can do no wrong. She’s there for her fans. She gets it, she’s different. When faced with a friend who really needed help though, I can honestly say she let me down completely. During the most difficult time in my life, my rock bottom. Her power and control over me grew and grew. And I was silenced. While being open about realizing how much help I needed, I was made to feel guilty. I had to apologize for having an extreme panic attack, where I thought I was going to die. Because it ruined her night. Endless incidents like this.
“I had become a problem. Yet through it all, I loved her. Codependency works in a lot of strange ways. In my relationship with this friend, I was dependent on helping her with her life. As soon as I needed a small bit of focus, and support from my best friend, there was nothing for us to relate to each other about. Our friendship was about her. The power she had over me, grew into me having a very hard time saying no to her. I would do almost anything for her.
“One night during a sleepover, she became increasingly interested in my sexual preferences. As someone who had previously been through sexual abuse, sex is hard for me to talk about. I was obviously uncomfortable, but she was my best friend, so I tried to be open about it. The conversation never seemed to end though. I had work very early in the morning. She began asking me while in bed if I would have sex with her. While being incredibly uncomfortable by this offer, I attempted to laugh it off. I had a boyfriend at this time, and she knew that. “He doesn’t have to know, it’s not a big deal!” It went on for hours. Asking me WHY I didn’t want to, that it would be fun. I repeatedly said no. I had work in the morning. I just wanted to sleep. I was exhausted. I attempted to sleep but was kept up the entire night by my friend begging me to sleep with her. It seemed strange, but she was my best friend. I said no, and I thought we could move on.
“The next night, unfortunately, went the exact same way, regardless of my response the first night, she was not giving up. If she had gotten the hint, she didn’t care. I was exhausted. She convinced me to smoke weed, and since I have a hard time saying no to her, I complied. thinking maybe then I’d be able to just fall asleep and avoid the situation all together. The same conversation began to happen. Continuously trying to convince me it was going to be okay and it would be fun and feel good. I would say, my boyfriend would be so upset! I really need to sleep! I have work in the morning! I said every form of no I could think of. As I lay praying to fall asleep, she began touching my arm. I allowed this to happen. Maybe she’d give up. This went on for maybe an hour. I got increasingly uncomfortable. I started giggling. saying that it tickled. I in no way wanted to make this a sexual situation. “Can I just do this? Can I just touch your arm? Can I just touch your boobs?” She began bartering with me. All I wanted to do was go to sleep. She began talking about the appearance of my boobs and begged to JUST touch them. We didn’t have to do anything else. I was so exhausted and confused and high and belittled I just allowed it to happen. This led to her touching the rest of me. I never said yes. I said no, repeatedly. But she used her power over me, and broke me down.
“Just so there is no confusion. I was molested by my best friend. I lay still, in shock, completely not reciprocating. I hate speaking so bluntly on this because it makes me extremely uncomfortable, but she performed oral sex on me and then I was penetrated with a sex toy without being asked. That’s what happened. The bottom line that I need to always remind myself is that I said no. For TWO NIGHTS STRAIGHT. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t resist during the action. I had been broken down. She knew I didn’t want to, I made that clear. I didn’t scream at her, I didn’t force her off of me. 1, because I loved her. 2, because I just wanted it to all be over.
“We never talked about this night ever again. While it completely messed with my head, there was no way I could have been RAPED by my best friend…right? Our friendship ended because she decided she didn’t have time for me anymore. To worry about me anymore. She cared too much about me, it was holding her back. I’m not sure how to end this story. I’m terrified of the response I’m going to get. The only reason I dc this now is because I’m hoping because of recent events. people will believe me. If you begin to doubt the abuse taking place in this story, I beg you to imagine her role in this being a man. Girls can rape girls. Best friends can rape best friends. Friendship does not equal consent. Silence doesn’t equal consent. I wish it wasn’t so hard for me to convince myself of these things.”
When I wrote this story about my assault, I initially wasn’t going to make the abuser. But I think it’s important for you all to know this is about Melanie Martinez pic.twitter.com/4PQ5oNI2s9
— Timothy Heller (@timethyheller) December 4, 2017