Mike Henneberger talks about his raw “mixtape memoir” and the scene that helped him through it— exclusive interview

Mike Henneberger’s Rock Bottom At The Renaissance: An Emo Kid’s Journey Through Falling In And Out Of Love In And With New York City memoir will debut on June 9^th. The memoir uses alternative and emo music to describe each of Henneberger’s stories. While these stories are not of Henneberger’s finest moments, he hopes to inspire anyone who is struggling with mental health or addiction through his story. As cliché as it sounds, Henneberger credits music to saving his life. You can learn more about the memoir here.

All Punked Up recently sat down with Mike Henneberger to discuss his memoir. You can check out our interview below!

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You mentioned in a press release that you feel comfortable putting this out now because you are a much different person and “this book no longer feels like it’s about me.” What moment did you realize you had turned the corner and you were far enough from this past to be able to share about it?

I actually don’t have a vivid memory of an actual turning point in my mental health. I think it was more of a gradual thing, which is probably one of the sh*ttiest things about mental illness, or just one of the sh*tty things about life in general. We don’t always notice the positive things and we often need someone to point them out. I never had a lot of luck with talk therapy until I started seeing my current shrink at the VA. I’ve been seeing him for a couple of years now, and that’s one of the best things about it. He’s constantly pointing out how far I’ve come and how much better I’ve gotten at dealing things I couldn’t handle in the past. Depression and anxiety don’t go away, and every now and then, I’ll still get a hard sucker-punch from them, but if I step back and breathe, I can see that, overall, I’m in a much better place.

I do, however, remember reading a draft of the book, maybe five years ago, and thinking, and reading it from a different perspective for the first time. For some reason, that time I read it, I was just taking it in as a guy with mental illness being comforted by the “character” in the book, knowing that he went through some sh*t, but I’m still here. And I actually thought, “Man, I need to put this out, it could help some people like it’s helping me.” For the first time, five or six years ago, I wasn’t reading it thinking, “Jesus, what the f*ck were you doing?” I’m sure it’s pure coincidence that it was around the same time that the girl I was dating moved in with me, and now she’s my wife.

Have any of the people mentioned throughout your personal stories (specifically Brandon, his girlfriend, or any of The Girls) read the book yet? If so, what were their reactions to your reflections on these experiences? If not, how do you think they will respond if/when they read your memoir?

Well…no. Ha…”Brandon” read an early draft of it and had no issues with it, since he doesn’t come off bad in it. And I think there’s really only one person in there who can come off bad, but I even excuse her behavior in the end. Yeah, I mean, I’ve given that a lot of thought, because I would never intentionally want to hurt anyone, but I don’t think there’s anything in there that should really hurt anyone’s feelings, and I’ve changed up enough details that, really, the people should be pretty indistinguishable to anyone that wasn’t around when these stories happened. I mean, I think I’m the only one in this book who really looks bad. But I had to weigh my feelings and potential embarrassment against the potential that I think this book has to help others who are going through a sh*tty time in their lives. I want them to know that they can get through it. And that’s more important to me than anything else.

Do you see yourself ever expanding on this memoir by adding another book or even just another chapter about where you are today?

As for continuing the book…with a hopeful update or sequel, I have been given that suggestion. I have come a long way from where I was in this book, but, that’s the thing. I was a looooong f*cking way. So, unfortunately, there’s no nice tidy way to tie it up. I STILL get hit by my depression that knocks me down every now and then. I STILL get anxiety under the stupidest circumstances, but I don’t want to tell people how to interpret the ending. Even I only came to the conclusion like two weeks ago that the ending is obvious and is foreshadowed throughout the whole book. But even when I tell you that, you can still interpret the ending two different ways. Ha…no easy way to answer that.

How ‘bout this? I’d like to turn it into a TV series, in which case, I’d most likely have to make it last longer. I’d love to get that opportunity.

What are some things that helped you change and get out of your “rock bottom” place?

I honestly can’t answer that question. Like I said, it was a gradual change that got me to where I am today. I can tell you what keeps me from hitting that “rock bottom” again. While I abuse pills pretty heavily in the book, that was never anything I did on a consistent basis. But today, I’m very responsible about the meds I’m taking, and feel like a couple years ago, I finally landed on the right mixture of things that I need to take. That’s another benefit of having a good therapist who really does want to help you. I found an anti-depressant that actually works for me. Talking things out helps a lot. Having a partner that you can communicate with, who tries their best to understand you, that helps a lot, and my wife is amazing at that stuff. And as cheesy or lame people might think meditation is––and believe me, I was one of those people––I felt results almost immediately when I started doing it. That helped a lot with my focus issues. You just gotta make an effort to take care of your mental health just like you would with your physical health. There are endless resources out there.

How has your relationship with family (especially the younger members of your family like your sister and nephew) changed since this memoir was written?

Those relationships have changed quite a bit, yeah. My sisters are both adults now, since I finished this book about six years ago. Ha…my nephew is living up to the expectations I mentioned in the book. And I stay in touch with them more than I used to, for sure. I think that’s just another thing that comes with the improvement of my mental health, you know? I’m not worried about people worrying about me as much anymore.

But the one big change is that, as I got mentally healthier, I started to see more clearly how toxic my mom was. I’ve got nothing but nice things to say about her in the book, but things changed a few years ago. I guess when you’re like me, and you know your mental health is fragile, you have to do whatever it takes to stay healthy. And cutting out toxic people is a big part of that.

The tracklist for your memoir shows your true “emo kid” colors and in many ways perfectly matched the stories you shared. If you had to pick one song and/or album to represent the feelings and experiences of your past life, what song/album would it be and why?

That’s a tough one. Not that tough, but tough, because it would be between Jimmy Eat World’s Futures and The Dangerous Summer’s Reach for the Sun. Both of those albums have two songs in the book. I definitely listen to The Dangerous Summer more, and if I had to pick one band’s discography, it might be theirs because of how much AJ, the singer and bass player of the band, has grown over the years. I love how the newer stuff takes a more positive turn. It feels like it matches the trajectory of my life. Ah f*ck it, I’d take Taylor Swift’s Red. I need those ups with the downs if I’m only gonna have one album to listen to. And the duets on that record, with Ed Sheeran and the guy from Snow Patrol––just beautiful.

What are some songs/albums/artists that represent your current life situation?

Ha…oh man. I’ve been listening to Taylor Swift’s new one. It’s her first album I’ve liked since Red. I don’t know if it represents my life––maybe in tone, with the ups and downs, some songs you can just dance to, and some you can feel. Jimmy Eat World’s latest record Surviving is their first album since Futures that didn’t take any time to grow on me. MxPx’s latest record, too, has been in heavy rotation with me lately. I appreciate that Mike Herrera let himself grow up throughout his career. It’s great when your favorite bands grow up with you. That’s why I loved Blink 182’s self-titled record, but when they came back with California, I feel like the maturity took like eight steps back. And, look, I’m gonna risk losing some punk cred here, but goddamn if I don’t love the Hamilton soundtrack. I ignored it for years thinking it couldn’t live up to the hype, but that sh*t motivates me, and honestly, there is no other album that I relate to more––coming from nothing, knowing your potential and doing whatever it takes to convince others of it, and maybe not always knowing the best way to go about that, but just knowing it has to get done. I listen to that when I run. I mean, the dude says “There’s a million things I haven’t done. Just you wait.” And he’s described as someone who will never be satisfied. Ugh…and that’s me for damn sure. Always working, always trying to do eight things at once.

It is pretty clear that you hope your story speaks to people going through similar situations. What words of wisdom or advice do you have for someone who reads your memoir and says “yes, that is ME! I am in THAT situation right now!”?

My advice is just to make it to the next day. If you’re still alive, that means you’ve survived everything that’s come your way. So maybe you’re in a spot and you think that there’s no way you recover from it. Think of the last time you thought that, and you recovered. The only way you can’t recover, the only way you don’t find out what it is you’re fighting for, is if you stop fighting. After the weekend in this book, I won an Emmy, I got to work for Rolling Stone, Spin and Billboard, which were all dreams of mine as an indie music journalist from south Texas, and I met my wife. And now, I’m releasing a book, and some people who I’ve respected and looked up to most of my life have said nice things about it. Good things can only happen to you if you’re alive. But, also, they’re not just going to happen. You gotta get your sh*t together and put in some work. Intimidating? Nah…like I said, I didn’t even notice my sh*t was changing, until one day, I noticed it had changed. Baby steps.

In your memoir, you mention your religious foundation and then your “break-up” with God. How has your view on and practice of religion changed since you first wrote this memoir?

My view and practice of religion hasn’t changed at all since I wrote this book. As I mention in the book, I will always believe in God, and Jesus as my savior, in the same way I have always believed. But your average devout churchgoer might still say I’m going to hell. Who knows? I try my best to follow God by showing his love through caring about people and doing what I can to help. And I’d never hide my belief, which is really one of the things that Jesus teaches: if you don’t deny him, he won’t deny you. So, basically, that’s still the same, and I’m confident that it will never change.

What was it like to revisit these stories as you prepared this memoir for publishing?

I’ve revisited these stories so many times over the years, and just in the last year in preparation for the release, I’m surprised I don’t have them memorized. But that’s kinda one of the biggest things that has helped me get more comfortable with it. The more I read it, the more I feel like I’m just reading some book, and I feel like I’m actually benefiting from it the way other readers will. I’m actually enjoying it as literature, since it’s exactly the kind of story I love to read or watch in a movie. I really can’t wait to see and hear what other people think of it, so I can start seeing these stories through other people’s eyes too. Like I said, it’s really just within the last week that I have MY solid idea of what the ending means, which sounds stupid. But, man, I felt so good when it hit me, “Of course that’s what happens!” I’ve probably read this book 40 times, and I still get new things out of it all the time.